Abby's Journey Archive

Josiah wrote the following essay for his composition class at school. He said I could share it with you all.

Abby’s Panda
By Josiah Oldham
February 24, 2006

There was a great relationship between Abby and her stuffed animal, Panda. I think Panda was given to Abby when she was 2. She would always sleep with him. Abby liked Panda a lot.

Whenever Abby went to the hospital, Panda was always the very first thing they packed. Abby gave Panda an I.D. band that he wears around his neck. The I.D. band reads "Panda." When Abby had to have Fiducials for surgery, Panda always had one too.

After Abby died, and even today, Panda takes turns sleeping in Mine, Daniel’s and Elizabeth’s beds. I think he looks forward to my turn with him because I always keep him warm. I think Abby is seeing live Pandas in heaven. I bet they will hug her. Maybe there is a Panda with an I.D. band that looks exactly like Abby’s stuffed Panda!

Tonight we celebrated the one year "anniversary" of our departure to Florida for Abby's Make a Wish trip. As we watched our video of the trip we enjoyed hearing Abby's voice, seeing her sweet smile and witnessing her pure enjoyment of all the special times. We are often reminded of God's gracious hand in our lives when we think of this trip. We know it was no coincidence that our trip was scheduled between Abby's final chemotherapy round and the recurrence of her tumor. Had we gone any sooner, Abby might not have felt quite recovered from the chemo. If our trip were any later, she might have begun to experience the symptoms of the recurrence and possibly shortened our vacation. We continue to marvel at the goodness of God who knows all and blessed us with these 10 days of wonderful family memories.

We continue to experience the ups and downs of our loss. There are some days that seem to be harder than others...when the tears come more readily and frequently. However, God continues to remind us of His love for us and gives us the strength to go on.

Josiah is pouring himself into an upcoming school project. He will "be" Thomas Edison at the Eagleridge Living History Museum this month. He is to dress in character and answer questions about his life and contribution to society. He is really looking forward to the event. He has frequent days when he talks about missing Abby multiple times. He continues to process that grief by writing and drawing. His most recent artwork was a picture of Abby dancing for Jesus complete with "tech crew" angels running the heavenly sound system. Abby, of course, had long, blonde hair and a huge smile on her face.

Daniel continues to mention Abby frequently as well. He is also trying to make sense out of the reality that he has been living in for the past few years. He asked me a few weeks ago when his hair was going to fall out. I reassured him that God willing, it shouldn't fall out until he is very old. He is also trying out his hand at drawing. He just recently started maturing in his "stick-people" art. He often draws himself and Abby standing next to each other...Abby always has a BIG smile. He says she is happy now. I'm so glad he grasps that wonderful truth.

Elizabeth also follows suit when she hears her brothers mention missing Abby. She always says, "I miss Abby...Abby is in heaven". I am also missing Abby's influence. One day last week Elizabeth was outside with Josiah playing. They were heading off on an "adventure." She said to him, "Just a minute, I have to go get my gun." I turned to C.R. and pleaded, "Abby, we miss you!" I do praise God we have no lack of female influence for Elizabeth, though. Abby's friends Lindsay, Alex, Audrey and many others are so good to play girl things with her when she needs it!

Last weekend we had the pleasure of joining my parents, Aunt Gail, Uncle Bob (from Michigan) and C.R.'s dad on a quick train ride and tour of the Grand Canyon. It was the first train ride for us all and our kids' first view of this awesome display of God's handiwork. We had a wonderful time.

Thank you for keeping us in your prayers. We also appreciate hearing from you. Your continued encouragement is a blessing to us.